The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
