it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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