sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
