I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
