Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
