if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
