I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize