Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
