2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
