its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
