I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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