Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
