college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
