6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize