i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize