ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
