6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
