I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
