I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Randomize
