Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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