he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
