I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
