I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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