whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
