I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
