what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
