so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
