My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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