So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
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is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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