not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
3 2 1 whiskey
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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