VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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