He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
