i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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