dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
