Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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