You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
