she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
