Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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