so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
