i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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