32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
