Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Pants are for mortals
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
