and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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