these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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