On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
