I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
