Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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