Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize