Yo dont text me then not text me
he puts the penis in happiness.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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