My cat gives me a boner
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
