dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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