I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
