I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize