I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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