Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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