You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
