I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
