so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize