I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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