he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
