I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
