nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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