You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
