I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize