Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
